um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
