Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
