white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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