I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
