tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
