I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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