Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
