yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
