One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
