you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
