Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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