we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
