I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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