He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
