i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
