Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
