Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
