I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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