just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
