I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
