took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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