I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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