I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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