Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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