My liver just broke up with me...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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