I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
