i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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