i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
