I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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