I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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