my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize