Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
