..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
