so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
