I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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