the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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