Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
