My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
