Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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