New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
