hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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