After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
