Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
