I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
