Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
