Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize