Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
