She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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