i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
