i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
