as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize