I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
