i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How's work?
Spinning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize