he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
