my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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