My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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