1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
