so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
