Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
