I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
