I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
