The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
