I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
