All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
