I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
this hospital has no fireball
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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