Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
