so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
