East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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